I wrote a sappy letter and mailed it to a few people along with a portrait we got taken at Target courtesy of a free sitting coupon. I reserved that letter for nice, happy, fluffy things. This is my blog. I'm writing it while watching Ryan Seacrest take a giant dump on this mostly meaningless occasion. It was him or Carson Daily. Let's be honest. Both of these ding dongs have contributed absolutely nothing to broadcasting and are equally annoying, but the chance of seeing Dick Clark kick off on live national television is just to good to pass up.
I kid, of course. Dick Clark is a cyborg. He'll never die.
2010 was a really good year. I got my full time job. I bought a house. I'm not in Minnesota. I obtained some wicked awesome video games. ABC wrapped up LOST in the most amazing way possible. What could I possibly have to complain about?
My car died. I bought a new one (for me). Then Melissa's car died. I'm not made of money. We share a car now. This sucks way more for Melissa than it does for me. But it still sucks. By the way, if you live in Memphis, you can get a ticket for parking in front of your house. Just thought you should all know.
Hawaii 5-0. If you've seen this insult to my intelligence and to yours, then you already know what I'm talking about. If not, words can not describe how terrible this television show is. Watch it, but make sure your life insurance policy covers suicide. Mine doesn't which is why I haven't hung myself yet.
I did some work for Comcast back in August. I'll be taxed for it when my taxes are due in April, but I haven't been paid for the work yet. The only positive is that AT&T offers U-Verse in my neighborhood, and as way to punish Comcast for their ineptness, I switched. Also, I actually said AT&T is a good thing. That's how bad things got.
Quick note. If your in New York for New Years Eve, please evacuate the city. Ke$ha just announced that she's going to do some pretty awful things to the city. And judging by the way her and her backup dancers are dressed, that's an encounter that will be fun for no one. More on this family friendly event sponsored by ABC in moment.
The iPad was released earlier this year. Many of blind friends went out and bought one. Those who did have lied to themselves and convinced themselves that this isn't just a giant iPod Touch. That same group of friends purchased the broken iPhone4. I then got to listen to them tell me how much more awesome their phone was than mine. Oddly enough, mine makes phone calls and holds onto them even if I hold the phone in my left hand. It also browses the web while I'm on the phone. It does all of this without dropping the call. I suppose that it's silly for me to expect my phone to work no matter how I hold it or what I'd like it to do, though. Right?
I have a mouse problem. Well, to be fair, the mouse problem went away about the same time that my cat problem surfaced. Tallahassee became a new thing for me to tolerate a few weeks ago. Melissa seems to think that there's a chance for me to love the cat. I keep telling her to not get her hopes up. As long as the mice are gone, I will tolerate his presence in my house. When the mice come back, he's gone. Also, he's not winning over any points to allow the possibility of there ever being another feline in this house. Once he's lived out his life here, that's it. This will be a feline free house.
People still watch Martin. Yeah, that Martin.
Michael Bay is still making movies.
Johnny Depp is still making pirate movies.
Shia Lebouf is still standing in front of camera and movie and talking. I refuse to call that acting.
Hollywood is still green lighting 3-D feature films of cartoons from my childhood. They weren't good then. They won't be good now.
Charles Martinet left me a voice mail as Super Mario. Note: this isn't a complaint, it's me bragging.
Bret Favre happened this year. Again. Also, Randy Moss happened. Willie Herenton tried to happen. Some other famous people, both nationally and locally famous, tried to or did happen in different capacities. Those three are the big ones.
I just saw a commercial for the Bachelor and vomited in back of my mouth.
Now back to this deplorable prancing of Hollywood filth that's happening on my television screen. I just looked up and saw more of Fergie's boobs than I cared to see. There is nothing family friendly about this trashy fest of sewage. Ke$ha performed. That's all that needs to be said about that. Jenny McCarthy was Ryan's partner in bloated stupidity. To top it all off, the cyborg never even showed up
So that's a look a 2010. Of course, a lot of good things happened, and I did reflect on those things. Although I truly am annoyed by the things you just read about, I'm not pompous jerk. Well, maybe I am. But these things aren't all I took away from this year. I truly am blessed to be where God has me. If you navigate away from this blog post disgusted by me: lighten up, chump. It's satire. Go eat a carrot and read a book.
Happy New Year everyone.
Patrick
P.S. Dick Clark really isn't a cyborg. It is a well known fact that he joined the ranks of the undead years ago.
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